Glosari:
Twitter – perkhidmatan rangkaian sosial dan mikro-blog yang terbaru dan semakin mendapat sambutan. Tweet – catatan atau entri di Twitter. @[username] – nama pengguna yang digunakan di Twitter.
Contoh, @syahredzan adalah nama pengguna saya. @loyarburok adalah nama pengguna LoyarBurok.
Tanggal 1 Oktober 2009 merupakan hari yang bersejarah di dunia siber Malaysia. Pada hari tersebut, pengguna-pengguna perkhidmatan Twitter di Malaysia telah bertutur dalam bahasa Malaysia.
“In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful. Praise be to God, the Lord of the Universe and may the blessings and peace of God be upon his messengers.
And whereas the time has now arrived when the people of the Persekutuan Tanah Melayu will assume the status of a free independent and sovereign nation among the nations of the world;
We all know that in a few days time, we will be celebrating our 50th year of independence. In view of that, I’d like to say a few words to my fellow Malaysians. Be warned that I will use some very strong language, and for that I apologize beforehand, but I feel that I really need to get these issues of my chest.
Why do I love Malaysia?
Because it is home.
Because it is multicultural.
Because it is multi-religious.
Because there’s Muslims, Buddhists, Hindu, Christians and countless other religions, even atheists.
Because there’s Malay, Chinese, Indian, Iban, Kadazan, Peranakan, Bidayuh, Bajau, Dusun, Melanau, Orang Asli etc.
It has been five years since I left my alma mater, Sekolah Menengah La Salle Petaling Jaya. Five years… half a decade and yet it seemed only yesterday that I trudged my way to the pokok besar, the place we were had our daily assemblies. But while the memories stood still, time, as always, did not.
Tulang-tulang ini sudah usang
Kulit-kulit ini tidak lagi kenyal
Mata-mata ini semakin lama semakin samar
Telinga-telinga ini makin sukar untuk mendengar
Aku kini hanya berpaut pada bibit-bibit usia
Menunggu masa untuk meninggalkan dunia ini
Independence. Merdeka. So often has the word been banded around the country, especially when 31st August comes around. Politicians talk of ‘defending’ our kemerdekaan, to appreciate what our forefathers have gone through to achieve this sacred thing called independence. We’re told to wave our flags and we’re told to sing patriotic songs on top our voices, as if by not doing these things, we’re not patriotic.
All in all, some 20,000 to 30,000 people participated in the anti-ISA rally last Saturday.
I did not join, because I am not by nature a street protester. But that doesn’t mean I don’t support the case or that I do not agree with demonstrations. It just means that personally prefer to not protest on the streets.
HINDRAF, however, has taken it to the streets before. That was in 2007. It lead to the detention of five HINDRAF leaders under the ISA.
Many demanded for their release, along with other ISA detainees. They fought HINDRAF’s cause to free its leaders.
Then our prime minister came to power and he released all HINDRAF detainees. The organization splintered into many different entities.
Yet none of them were present last Saturday.
Why? Civil society pressured so hard for the release of the HINDRAF five, now you’re going to abandon the cause because your leaders are free? Are you going to do an Ibrahim Ali in saying that the ISA is ‘needed’ even though your leaders have been detained under the law before?
What’s your stand on the ISA now, HINDRAF?
Last week when the landslide occurred in Bukit Antarabangsa, for about a day or two, Malaysia was united in grief, sorrow and sympathy.
Racial, religious, ideological and political lines were forgotten. Our hearts cried at the destruction caused by the tragedy.
Of course, it did not last long. Grief turned to anger. Sorrow turned into political one-upmanship. The blame game starts. The actions when the fact has happened.
There are many ways one can view a tragedy.
We can look at the obvious. The dead, the injured and the displaced. The destruction of livelihood.
But we can also look at the ’signs’. The lessons that can be learned.
In our pursuit of materialism, in our constant quest to satisfy our hunger for more, we must never forsake the essentials. We do not live in a vacuum. Each and every one of our actions do not only effect us, but also our environment. We’re supposed to learn it 15 years ago, with the collapse of Highland Towers. We’re now given another opportunity to learn. Hopefully, this time, we will learn our lesson.
Last week, a Malay family, an Indian family and a Chinese family wept for the loss of their loved ones. Last week Malaysians wept with them.
To me, this is proof that regardless of any artificial lines we wish to draw on the ground to separate ourselves, the fact of the matter is that we’re in this together.
Bumiputeras, non-bumiputeras, Malays, Chinese, Indians, Kadazandusuns, Dayaks, Muslims, non-Muslims, Barisan Nasional or Pakatan Rakyat. We’re all stuck with each other. No two ways about it. We’re all citizens of this nation.
Why does it take a tragedy for us to understand this?
The scene – March 2009. Datuk Seri Mohd. Ali Bin Mohd. Rustam has just won the Deputy President post in the UMNO elections. By convention, he has also been appointed to be the Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia. Soon after, criticism began to mount on his credentials as Deputy Prime Minister. Amongst those criticisms are that he lacks knowledge in foreign relations and the economy and also of his poor command of the English language.
In order to dispel those criticisms, an interview was arranged with American news company Bloomberg. Here is the transcript of that interview.
Interviewer: Good evening, you’re with me, Condelezza Cruz on a special interview with Mr. Mohd Ali Mohd Rustam, the new deputy prime minister of Malaysia. We will be asking his views on a number of pertinent issues in Malaysia and the world. First of all Mr. Ali Rustam, congratulations on being elected as Deputy President of the United Malays National Organization or UMNO, a part of the ruling Barisan Nasional coalition.
Ali Rustam: Tenkiu very much. Actuallyyyy… I want to correct you. I am actuallyyy a ‘Datuk Seri’. You know ‘Datuk Seri’? It’s a title we give in Malaysia. Like the ‘Sir’ that your Queen give you. But we got a lot of titles, got Datuk, Datuk Seri, Tan Sri and oso Tun.
Interviewer: My humblest apologies, Datuk Seri. And I believe that you are referring to the knighthood awarded by the Her Majesty the Queen of England. However, Bloomberg is an American company.
Ali Rustam: Amerika? Sorry, sorry, you all look the same. Of course, Amerika. Oh you got Obama right? Obama is good! He is negro but he become President. Goodlah like that. Amerika now good, hopefully doesn’t become setan anymore. You know setan? We Muslims believe got Setan. Devil. Setan very bad. Amerika oso very bad last time, like devil. Now maybe with Obama Amerika can become good.
Interviewer: Yes, Mr. Obama is the first African American president of the United States.
Ali Rustam: Yeah, his father is negro, right?
Interviewer: (ignoring the ‘negro’ remark) It’s interesting Datuk Seri that you brought up Mr. Obama as the first black American president. Can you ever see the same thing happening in Malaysia?
Ali Rustam: No, no, no, Malaysia don’t have negros. Indians have lah.
Interviewer: Can an ethnic Indian become the prime minister then? Or an ethnic Chinese?
Ali Rustam: No, no, no, cannot! Only Melayu can become PM. You see, the Malaysia is last time owned by the Malays Only later the Indians and Chinese come. We take them in, of course. We got this social contract between the races. They cannot become PM, of course. In Malaysia we got ketuanan Melayu, you know? You know ketuanan Melayu?
Interviewer: Yes, I am familiar with the concept of ‘ketuanan Melayu’, or Malay supremacy.
Ali Rustam: Yes, yes, Malays are supremacy. Malaysia used to be tanah Melayu you see? Now it is Malaysia, but still belong to the Malays. You see, you must understand, Malays have our own ajenda. The Chinese and Indians must understand. They are Malaysian oso, but they cannot lebih-lebih, you see?
Interviewer: So it’s impossible to see a non-Malay PM in Malaysia?
Ali Rustam: Not impossible-lah. Nothing is impossible. But cannot lah. Like I said, Malays have got our own ajenda. The Chinese and Indians oso got thier ajenda. So we got to compromise lah. You white people won’t understand.
Interviewer: Actually Datuk Seri, I am Hispanic.
Ali Rustam: Why you panic?
Interviewer: Hispanic. It’s alright Datuk Seri. Moving on, with the world being embroiled in the global financial crisis, what steps will Malaysia take to buffer the effects?
Ali Rustam: Buffer means what?
Interviewer: To cushion the effects.
Ali Rustam: Oh, kusyen. Actuallyyyy… this ekonomi question all you don’t ask me. The Finance Minister is Datuk Najib, our PM. Or you can ask the mamak guy, what’s his name? Oh Nor Yaacop. Ekonomi is not my portfolio. I am ketua menteri Melaka. I know about tourism. You know Melaka?
Interviewer: It is a state in the Federation of Malaysia, am I correct?
Ali Rustam: Correct! Goodlah you, you know Melaka. You must already watch the Shah Rukh Khan movie One Two Ka Four right? Good movie right? You know, we give Datuk to Shah Rukh Khan? He told me he is very happy, he said he will come to Melaka always. We oso thinking of naming a street after him. Jalan Shah Rukh Khan. Probably in those DAP areas.
Interviewer: Can I just pick up on what you said. You mentioned the Democratic Action Party or DAP, part of the opposition coalition of Pakatan Rakyat, or People’s Alliance. Last year, the oppositon have made siginificant inroads during the 12th General Elections. Can you share with us your thoughts on why this occured.
Ali Rustam: Actuallyyy… these opposition they lie to the people. They say that UMNO is bad. We are not bad. We are good! We lead Malaysia for 51 years you know! You see, Malaysia now very developed! They won a lot because they lie to people. But I think now the people understand, the people realize that only UMNO and Barisan Nasional can take care of Malaysia.
Interviewer: But you cannot deny that their influence have increased, especially under the leadership of Mr. Anwar Ibrahim.
Ali Rustam: Anwar? He is big liar. He lie to the people. he said last year September 16 he can make the government, but don’t have! We still the government! No one believes him. You know, he got big problems already. You know he has court case? I don’t want to say anything lah, but a guy said that Anwar sodomized him. I don’t want to say anything about that lah. But the guy swear on the Quran that Anwar did it. Swearing is not a small thing you know!
Interviewer: …
Ali Rustam: But like I said, I don’t want to say anything about that. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. I tell you what I think later, okay?
Interviewer: … Moving on, as the new deputy prime minister, what is your vision for the future of Malaysia.
Ali Rustam: Vision? Oh you mean Vision 2020. That one last time our former PM, Tun Mahathir, you know him?
Interviewer: Yes, Dr. Mahathir Bin Mohammad.
Ali Rustam: Good, you know! So last time Tun came up with vision 2020. Wawasan Dua Puluh Dua Puluh, we say in Malay. And then you know Pak Lah become PM. You know Pak Lah?
Interviewer: Yes Datuk Seri. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, the former PM.
Ali Rustam: So Pak Lah came and he extended vision 2020. So now vision 2020 is in 2050.
Interviewer: So its now vision 2050?
Ali Rustam: No, no, no, you whites don’t understand. It’s still vision 2020, but in 2050. But now that Datuk Seri Najib is the PM, I dunno whether its still in 2050 or 2020. But to answer your question, yes, I have vision 2020.
Interviewer: … That is all the time we have for this interview. Once again Datuk Seri, congratulations on being the deputy UMNO President, and congratulations on being appointed as the deputy prime minister. All the best to you and your country.
Ali Rustam: Your welcome. This interview shown on Astro, right? What time?
Interviewer: … We’ll inform you later.
Note: This is a purely fictional interview, conjured up for the sake of humour. I am not implying that Mr. Ali Rustam is a bad at foreign relations, ethnic relations, the economy nor am I implying that his English is bad. Basically, I am not implying that the real Ali Rustam is an idiot. I’m sure he isn’t.
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